Start the Journey

I think that sometimes we believe that we are held captive by our emotions, unable to act as we choose. Almost like a prisoner in a cell that is unlocked.We won't leave because we believe that cell protects us. Anger is an example, it holds us back and keeps us from moving forward in life, but we refuse to let it go. We hold onto it tightly believing that it protects us from being hurt again. Our pain keeps us from acting, if we don't act then we don't fail. But when as I started the process of "letting go" I quickly knew that letting go of my anger meant that I didn't have anyone else to blame for my own unhappiness. As long as I held onto that anger and resentment, I had an excuse to feel the way I did. I think true forgiveness starts when we give the betrayer a "Paid in Full" receipt, saying you owe me nothing. (I'm talking emotionally, not child support ) The score is even. I don't accept what you did, but you don't owe me because of it either. I am taking responsibility for the way I feel, you have no part in this play anymore. Of course, this doesn't always work for me and I go back to the scoreboard and start tallying up past hurts to see what he owes me, but realizing that holding on to the pain ties me to him I try not to go there anymore than possible. I am getting stronger because I know that pain of holding on is worse than the fear of letting go.Healing is a journey and the less you carry, the farther you'll go.