Drowning...

Downing…
My tide of sorrow is rising and I feel like I’m drowning in the insanity of it all. My life is like a leaking boat and I keep plugging up the cracks with false smiles and fake words, but the water is already waist high. I wish I was a different person, but I am what I am. I am someone who knows, not suspects that she has no one to trust with her secrets. I hold them in until they want to bubble out of my mouth because my soul is on fire but still I choke them back and go on. I grasp at drafting objects that only weigh me down more. Am I crazy to keep paddling? When I know that I will never make it to shore with such a heavy heart? The sky has been dark for so long, where is my sunshine? I need the warmth on my face, some brightness in my soul. I’m afraid of the lightning and thunder all around me, it wants to consume me in its blackness. I need to put my feet on something firmer than the sand all around me and I’m coming to resent the very boat that keeps me from going completely under.