Obituary of William L Brown

On Mother's Day, May 11,2008, after a long and devastating battle with Rectal-Cranial Inversion (AKA Head Up The ASS) , William L Brown left my life forever. While he lived and existed more in his own imagination than in the real world, he leaves behind many who will miss what he had the potential to be.

When he left I felt a weight had been lifted and so had any expectation that I had to fix him - love him into happiness. He was destined to be miserable and left with as much misery as he could stuff in the pockets of the washed out jeans he put on that morning. Nothing was ever good enough. He never got enough attention, love, support, or material possessions. I've known this in bits and pieces through our entire marriage ... but never so clearly until he was gone.

Our relationship really "failed" long before he left. I just hadn't acknowledged it. What if he could have changed? What if the moon falls down tomorrow? Am I mad? Yes, mad as Hell. See,I was always being tested. I was not being loved. I have lived so long trying to be smarter, thinner, nicer, more caring, forgiving, prettier, what ever someone thought I should be, that I don't even know who I am any more.

I can't fix him, I hope I can fix me. With the grace of God, I want away from the spell of "it will be different." It will not be different.

Reality is here. It is ugly.