Why?

How many times does this one word go through my mind every day? Some days it’s the first thing I think when I open my eyes, the first thought, the first word my mind lands on. Other days it’s the final whisper in my ear before I close my eyes. At times, I want to scream it over and over until my throat bleeds and I’m too tired to question anything at all, but even that leaves my soul left to wonder, why? I have to believe that there is something else, that all of this will lead to bigger or better things, but there are days, like today, when I’m not so sure. I want it all to make sense, I want it all to make me stronger, smarter, more anything. But I think it’s just making me old. And even this leaves me asking Why?