Empty Spot

I can separate our marriage,
but can't separate our lives.
I can put you out of my house,
but can't put you out of my heart.
I can pack your clothes in boxes,
but can't pack away the memories.
I take down pictures and fill empty frames,
but can't fill the empty place in my soul.

Quote to Live By...

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were bon to manifest the glory of God that is within us. ALL of us.

And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates other.

Nelson Manella
1994

The One

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

Down off the Mountain

I CLIMBED UP THE MOUNTAIN
I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES
I CRIED OUT “OH,HELP ME LORD”
DID YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME?

HE SAID “STAND UP CHILD,
YOU’RE NOT ON YOUR OWN
I HAVE NOT LEFT YOU
YOU CHOSE TO STAND ALONE.”

I WANTED TO CRY OUT
I WANTED TO LEAVE
BUT GOD HELD ME FAST THERE
AND ASK, HAVE YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME?

I’M ALWAYS WITH YOU,
I’M ALWAYS HERE
I’M THE CLOSEST THING TO HEAVEN
AND I HOLD YOU NEAR.

NOW GO DOWN THE MOUNTAIN
GET UP OFF YOUR KNEES
I’VE NEVER FORGOT YOU
DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?

01/10/08
CAB

Nobody's Princess

My SO is a full fledge narcissist ,how he LOVES that warm blanket of victim hood. One of the oddest things about this man is that he never seemed to acquire the ability to reflect upon his own life, to make connections between experiences had and lessons learned. He has no sense of shame either, I don't know if that is a symptom of a narcissistic mind or just a lack of upbringing, but it doesn't matter what he does, he believes it to be justified and in that belief, he has no shame. He has a sense of entitlement and has no regards for others feelings or wants. Empathy isn't in his vocabulary. Even when faced with the knowledge that his reactions are unjustified or uncalled for, he doesn't waiver.
He wants to be "revered" and "respected" and how dare you not whole heartily agree when he calls out yet another injustice that has been dished out on him by the world. Because most importantly, it is not his fault. We tiptoe around him, we agree without conviction and pretend interest in stories we've heard 20 times before. He is Savior to many and Protector of all, in fact he tries to save so many that he neglects us. I have learned to block out so much, I really don't know what I really feel anymore.
I know I once loved this man more than life itself and way to many times in the past I have wanted nothing more than to feel like I was the most important thing in his life. I don't know if he ever really loved me, I know he doesn't now and hasn't for a long time. He feels like I have the problem, maybe I do. I will always wonder why I'm not able to turn and walk away from him. Why I want him to love me so bad when it's so oblivious that he doesn't even like me. I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop, with us it always does. There is no happily every after and I'm nobody's princess.