Please forgive me, I have been through so much because of my XH and the OW/OC for the past 3 years that I just want to scream! I tried to do the right thing concerning this precious baby Girl, and I do love her so much, but my XH and The Big Easy (OW) are so intent on playing games with each other and with me, that I had to stop contact with the only good thing to come from this nightmare. That was in April, I had to walk away for my own sake, I felt like I was hurting more than helping. Now last week my XH told me that his sister and him had to go to court for kidnapping because OW's Father had filed charges when he found out OC was at XSIL's house. OW had given her Father temporary custody when she was supposed to go to Basic Training. When they went to court the Judge gave custody to my X. He is self employed, living with his sister and her family and I'm sure he will try his best, but he really is trying to keep his own head above water. I love this child and if I could take her away from all this craziness and raise her as my own, I would in a hot second. She has never had a stable home and my heart breaks because I'm afraid it will only get worse for her. XH called today because he doesn't have child care and has to work. I'm sorry for him, it's hard I know, but I'm struggling with wanting to get involved with all of this again. I am always on the losing end of these situations, somehow I always end up being the bad guy. I'm so ready to pull my hair out, I don't know what to do. They have completely destroyed so many lives already, why can't they just give this child a chance to have a normal life, it doesn't matter if she's with her Mom or with her Dad, they could do better than they do. It is all just such a waste, so many things could have been different.
Cynthia

09/11 and How It Changed My Life

09/11/2001 was one of those days that you'll never forget where you were or what you where doing when you found out. As most, I was glued to the TV trying to comprehend what had happened. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel safe in my own country. I didn't know anyone who lost their lives or really even anyone that lived in NYC, but still the grief and sense of loss was overwhelming. I was as mad as any American and I felt violated to the very core. I don't think I will ever feel the sense of security I felt before 09/11/01. I don't think I had ever considered before that such a thing could really happen in America. But in the same minute, I had never been so proud to be an American and so proud of my fellow country men. The way we pulled together is still astonishing in it's enormity. But sadly, for me Sept. 11, will always be remembered as an Anniversary with double meaning. See the following year on 09/11/02 I found out my Husband had been having an affair and there was an OC who was at the time 5 months old. For the second time in a year, I stood stunned and disbelieving, trying desperately to comprehend what had happened. Again, I didn't feel safe in my own home, in my own life and I mourned the loss just as I had just one year ago. I know that my loss in no way compares to those that lost their lives on 09/11/01, but in many ways to me personally, it mirrors the effects just the same. The OW flew her plane on a suicide mission right through my life, and just like the twin towers, my soul couldn't take the initial hit and eventually crumbled from the pain. So just like I prayed on 09/11/01, I pray today for strength to see the best when only the worst is obvious, and for courage to keep living in spite of such devastation. If you pray, please keep me in your prayers today along with all the Victims of this day.