New Living Will...

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do notWish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinheadpoliticians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives Depended onit or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least One of the following: ______a Bloody Mary, ______a Margarita ______a Scotch and soda ______a Martini ______a Vodka and Tonic ______a Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______The remote control ______a Bowl of ice cream ______Chocolate ______Sex ______Beer It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. Signature: ___________________________Date: ___________________________

WHY?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they already know there is not enough?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt...you reckless stupid idiot!?" Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? OR In the summer, why do we cool the house down to winter temps when we have been waiting for the hot summer all winter? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?