I wish you enough...

I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough". The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom". They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated.

Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking,"Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?". "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?". "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?". She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude brightI wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Just for a minute, I'd like you to sit back, relax, feel the tension leave your body ...

Now picture yourself near a stream. Birds are chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Butterflies waft in the breeze. Leaves rustle.

Nothing can bother you here. Nobody knows this secret place.

You are in complete seclusion from that place called 'the world'.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

Look Down, You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water.

There now........ don't you feel better?

New Beginings...

My XH keeps telling me who and what he is, I need to listen.

Love makes us blind, but experience clears our vision. We often make exceptions to our spouses because we love them, we bend our expectations of what we deserve because of shared history, we tolerate the intolerable because of loyalty.

We all do it, but it's usually a two way street, give and take. Sometimes there comes a point when all we do is give, we give until we're empty and we realize that there's no one there to fill us back up.

That's when we should stop going to a well that's run dry, you can drop your bucket down time and time again but it's still gonna come up empty. You can stay there at that barren place for along time, with your life all dry, or you can start looking for something to quench the thrust in your heart.

"Get Over It..."

I thought at one time that if I heard "what don't kill you makes you stronger" one more time, my head would literally shoot straight off my shoulders. When someone dies, people expect grief and grieving, but when you experience a significant loss other than death, people think that grief is inappropriate. But grief is a normal part of mourning when we lose something or someone of great personal value. It's the beginning of healing. Almost everyone has experienced death in some form and can relate, but not everyone has experienced infidelity.

Sometimes our closet friends think there will be some kind of fall out that will affect their own marriages. Some people in unhappy marriages, only see that you have a way out and are envious of your opportunity for freedom. A lot of friends and family just adopt that don't see, don't tell attitude. Some just don't want to know, and some just shouldn't. When we tell others about our spouse's affair, it's like sharing the most intimate details of a marriage gone wrong. and once those details are shared, they can never be erased from memory, creating negative feelings from friends and family, even if you reconcile.

Listening to someone else's anger, fear, or grief often makes us afraid that their emotions will overtake us. This is why seemingly loving, caring people often try to "fix" us when we share our painful feelings, they just want you to be "normal" again. When some tells you "to get over it," they may have only been wanting the old you back. She/He probably has no idea, how deep this pain is and to what extent you have already been changed. They love you, maybe in the best way they know how, so don't throw the baby out with the bath water, dysfunctional or not, our familys are our familys, our friends only human.

We only hope people who say these type of things to us, never have to know how it feels to go through it themselves.

Take Care of Yourself Everyone.

Tell me again...

Why do I have any contact with the XH? Today, he called to say he wanted to come over to watch the game with son, OK-no problem. Well, he brings OC(child from affair-age 3) I remember now why I only have one child! I am 40 years old and I just don't have the patience or the where abouts to deal with a 3 year old anymore. She's gotta have ADD, she can't sit still or be quiet for 1 minute. She's not that bad, but he is ruining her. He thinks everything she does is "cute". I don't.

I didn't think it about my child, I certainly don't think it about his. I guess I'm old school, I believe a child should be a child, treated like a child, talked to like a child and disciplined like a child. And I don't bend on this, it's my way or no way at my house. She does not run me or my house, it's not cute. Me and X butt heads some over this. I am not manipulated by a 3 year old, never will be. That "I love you, Daddy" doesn't work with me.

I don't know how I'm suppose to deal with this, this is a child that my H had from a 2 year affair while we where married. But he thinks since we are divorced, I should be okay with it now. WTF??? I know he sees his future when he looks at her, I see my past. I don't hate the child, I at one point loved her very much. But because of X and his family, I had to close that door. It's a hard door to open again. I feel like I have to protect myself and my heart again, he's not gonna do it.

I know that he will look me in the eye and straight lie, he will chose that ass faced monkey whore to lie about when it comes to the OC and I am once again reminded that I am not and have never been on the top of his priority list.

So again, tell me, why do I continue to have him in my life? Well at least I have my dog!

Just another day in paradise...

Well, it's Saturday and it's so cold in Georgia today! (Well, for Southern standards anyway) I am trying to find a car so that I can give my XH back his truck which he has been so gracious about me using for so long....

I really just need a dependable bucket. Just something that will get me around town and for work, I'm not expecting to take any trips anywhere soon. I can remember when you could find a good car for $1000, maybe older but still with a little life left in it. Now, $5000 won't buy you anything! I'm trying not to go to one of those buy here-pay here places, but my options are running out! And because of my Dog, I have to have a 4 door something! I can't stand to go anywhere without him, he love's to ride!

So, keep your fingers crossed and if you pray, send a word or two up to the Good Lord for me!

C

Start Over

When you've trusted God and walked his way
When you've felt his hand lead you day by day B
But your steps now take you another way ...

Start over.

When you've made your plans and they've gone awry When you've tried your best and there's no more try When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ...

Start over.

When you've told your friends what you plan to do
When you've trusted them and they didn't come through
And you're all alone and it's up to you ...

Start over.

When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone
When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along ...

Start over.

When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will
When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ...
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ...

Start over.

When you think you're finished and want to quit
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you've tried and tried to get out of it ...

Start over.

When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you're feeling blue God gives a January just for you ...

Start over.

Starting over means "Victories Won"
Starting over means "A Race Well Run"
Starting over means "God's Will Done"
Don't just sit there ..............

START OVER

THE "I CAN'T" FUNERAL

Donna's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past. The teacher's desk was in front and faced the students. The bulletin board featured student work. In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom. Yet something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time.

My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives. Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project. I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched.

All the students were working on a task, filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas. The ten-year-old student next to me was filling her page with "I Can'ts". "I can't kick the soccer ball past second base." "I can't do long division with more than three numerals." "I can't get Debbie to like me." Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up. She worked on with determination and persistence. I walked down the row glancing atstudent's papers. Everyone was writing sentences, describing things they couldn't do. By this time the activity engaged my curiosity, so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on but I noticed she too was busy writing. I felt it best not to interrupt. "I can't get John's mother to come for a teacher conference." "I can't get my daughter to put gas in the car." "I can't get Alan to use words instead of fists." Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive "I Can" statements, I returned to my seat and continued my observations.

Students wrote for another ten minutes. They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front. They placed their "I Can't" statements into an empty shoe box. Then Donna added hers. She put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm and headed out the door and down the hall. Students followed the teacher. I followed the students. Halfway down the hallway Donna entered the custodian's room, rummaged around and came out with a shovel. Shovel in one hand, shoe box in the other, Donna marched the students out to the school to the farthest corner of the playground. There they began to dig. They were going to bury their "I Can'ts"! The digging took over ten minutes because most of the fourth graders wanted a turn. The box of "I Can'ts" was placed in a position at the bottom of the hole and then quickly covered with dirt. Thirty-one 10 and 11 year-olds stood around the freshly dug grave site.

At this point Donna announced, "Boys and girls, please join hands and bow your heads." They quickly formed a circle around the grave, creating a bond with their hands. They lowered their heads and waited. Donna delivered the eulogy. "Friends, we gathered here today to honor the memory of 'I Can't.' While he was with us here on earth, he touched the lives of everyone, some more than others. We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. He is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can', 'I Will', and 'I'm Going to Right Away'. They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhaps some day, with your help, they will make an even bigger mark on the world. May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen."

As I listened I realized that these students would never forget this day. Writing "I Can'ts", burying them and hearing the eulogy. That was a major effort on this part of the teacher. And she wasn't done yet. She turned the students around, marched them back into the classroom and held a wake. They celebrated the passing of "I Can't" with cookies, popcorn and fruit juices. As part of the celebration, Donna cut a large tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote the words "I Can't" at the top and put RIP in the middle. The date was added at the bottom. The paper tombstone hung in Donna's classroom for the remainder of the year. On those rare occasions when a student forgot and said, "I Can't", Donna simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student then remembered that "I Can't" was dead and chose to rephrase the statement.

I wasn't one of Donna's students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her as years later, I still envision that fourth grade class laying to rest....."I Can't". (c) Phillip B. Childs

Lessons on Life

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to
judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to
go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first
son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer,
and the youngest son in the fall.


When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to
describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second
son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The
third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so
sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had
ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe
and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because
they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them
that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that
the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come
from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are
up. If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your
spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.


Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

Don't judge life by one difficult season.

Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to
come some time or later